I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
