Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
