I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
