After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
