He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
