i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
