My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
