So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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