So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
