we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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