I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh god it's open bar.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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