How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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