your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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