my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
