Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
