News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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