You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
