I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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