4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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