i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
