Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
