is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
