Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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