What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
