just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
