I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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