Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
