There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize