I wish my penis had an off switch
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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