I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
