Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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