i think my tv is drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize