hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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