He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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