Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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