She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
