I didn't shave. On purpose
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
