you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Four minutes until I can fart!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
