Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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