i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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