Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
