my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
