Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
