just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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