I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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