I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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