Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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