cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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