sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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