He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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