No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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