Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
