last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
