dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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