if i can run in heels then i can drive
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
