My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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