the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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