My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize