i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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