Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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