The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
