Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
