That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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