I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
