Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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