You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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