I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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