Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
