part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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