the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
