Got a toothbrush?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize