she woke up with a sticky ear
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
