She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
