Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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